No internet – the past days...

My weight fluctuated a little bit the past few days. I haven’t been too worried though. 124.5 On Friday, 124.7 on Saturday, and 125.0 on Sunday and today. I’m still at my first goal weight, and although it’s going up, I’m actually not stressed out about it. I think it has something to do with my mood as well. In the past years, I have completely stopped eating when I was either extremely unhappy/stressed or happy/stressed, binged and purged when I was unhappy/bored or unhappy/stressed, eaten normally when I was relaxed and binged when I was just bored. Right now, I am not eating much, without trying really hard and bingeing/purging times in between. I just seem to be unable to keep it at a normal level. I find it easier to eat nothing then to eat a normal sized portion. That seems to go for my whole life at the moment. If I do something, I always want more.
Shopping: I don’t really feel like going at all, but have to if I want a fully furnished room, instead of sleeping on the floor with only my clothes to keep me warm. But once I bought the first desperately needed items, I want to buy more stuff! Stuff that I don’t need and don’t have the money for....
Parties: I don’t feel like going out, but after the third text I will dress comfy and make my way to my friend’s house. Six hours later, I find myself driving around the city, calling people that I really don’t like that much, or that I really shouldn’t hang out with, looking for a party, anything, while all my friends have gone to bed.
It’ so annoying. I wish I could do things in moderation. Maybe it’s just because life has been so crazy recently.
Back to my weight. So, 125 this morning. I haven’t been too bad today, one coffee, lots of detox mix and water, one crumble of chocolate cake (I really mean crumble. Not small piece.), three strips of beef jerky and a small piece of salmon. I walked around a lot, drank a little bit alcohol (water loss?) and did some bad things (raise metabolism?), so I’m hoping it’s down tomorrow. Actually, my next “goal” would be 123, but I have to be realistic, and weight that you loose too fast, never stays of, so I’m just going to hope for 124.5. We’ll see....