boring/ honest

this blog is so boring! i know, it's because i don't dare to write what's actually happening in my life, but i'm not sure if i should change that. i'm just so scared that somebody will discover it, but even if, what's the worst that can happen? work? i don't think they can fire me for that? law? they'd have to prove that it's really happend and not just fantasy. flatmate? i don't think she will/can kick me out. friends? the good ones know most of it already, and will hopefully forgive the rest. family? ....let's not go there, but i can't see how anyone would ever find out.
also: if i'm writing this for me, i should be honest with myself.
ifg i'm writing for others, it should make good entertainement.
so, let's be honest:
i pretty much ran out of money, which was to be expected. still not cool. and i'll only start my real, still shitty paying job in august, and my other, even worse paying emergency job at the begining of next month.
i don't want to ask my family for help, my friends don't have money either, and i can't even work legally at the moment. not sure what i should do. obviously, not waste the little bit that i have left on food, but there's still the needeed as in petrol, phone, parking, fees to sort stuff that needs to be sorted,...
at least my rent and my car are paid.
and then there's the wanted: food that's thrown up anyway, drinks, stronger recreational things (still need to pay for the last time, f***), shopping, fees for concerts, clubs, radio for my car, new surfboard....
that list is endless...
my weight has gone up again, so altogether i'm not to happy. but i hope to get it back down, now that there's another reason why i shouldn't eat, besides "it's bad enough already"...