Good day?

Weight today: 126.5 I've manage to maintain this throughout the whole day, despite multiple people (boys. of course) "making me eat". The weight loss is good, but I'm still dissapointed in myself for eating. And the weight is way to high. Now I now that there are lots of people, who will say no, if somebody (Steve, Beccas now-again-boyfriend) cooks for them and presents them with a plate, encouraging them multiple times to eat, but I just can't. I feel guilty for throwing food away, while people are starving (doesn't apply to throwing it up though. Not today, more last night)...the time and effort people put into preparing it (even if it wasn't only for me)...(By the way, it was a chicken sandwich).
And, I went for a date (can you call it date if you're not really into him, are not sure if he's still into you, but go because he's fun? Daniel) and he ordered Nachos (which I hate, because it really doesn't taste good enough to make it worth the calories), kept telling me to help him, that he can't finish it, they're really good...so I had like five.
And the "detox" attempt has changed into a liquid fast attempt, which I'll continue until the end of the week (Sunday). It's not a detox, if I smoke a pack of cigarettes and have six vodka/sprite. Plus, it's only going to get worse on the weekend.
On a more positive not, I've signed the lease for my apartement, decided I really won't spend more on furniture than on a car, found a great tanning place, and managed to delay all activities tomorrow that require carpooling until after 1pm. Yeah! Sleep!

way too much

Eating wise, I had a horrible day. It started this morning, when the only open place I could find that sold take-away coffee was McDs. Breaksfast is one of my biggest weaknesses and the last time I drove by a McDs while they were still serving breakfast, with time to stop, must have been 10 years ago. So I lost control and had an EggMcMuffin. It was so good. And so not worth it. Of course, as soon as I finished (typical fatty behavior: eating in the car. disgusting) I felt bad. And no place to purge. Haven't eaten since (yeah, too little, too late), and now my best friend and current house mate is making a special dinner for her (ex?)boyfriend. It's probably a good idea to leave the house.
Thanks for making me go food shopping when I'm not eating, btw. And laughing about it.

But, the worst is yet to come. While shopping for furniture, the sales girl asked me if I was expecting. Excuse me? Yeah, I put on weight, and my choice of clothing was a bit unfortunate, but still...Becca, (bestfriend/house mate) was shocked, of course, said the girl was just trying to be bitchy, but a)I don't think so, she was trying to sell me stuff, b)Becca, true friend, will never tell me that Im fat, c)weights more than I do (although she carries it better), and therefor has another definition of fat.
Life wise, great day. Got so much stuff done! Although I'm hoping that I'll manage to spend less on furniture than on a car....seems unlikely at the moment.
Ah, and I bought a scale. Digital one. Yeah! Current weight: 128. Took a laxi, to get rid of breakfast, so hoping it will be down tomorrow....
On another note, am not sure how much sense a detox makes (without McDs), when I'm smoking triple of my usual amount and craving alcohol and other mood altering substances...

my first

I have been thinking for quite some time about having a blog, but last night, like so many nights before, I just felt like I needed to write.
I was at a friends place, only three of us, having drinks, just some fun. It was pretty good (we were pretty bad), at least for a monday. Until I went to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror, just checking how I looked. Hair? Nice, light golden blonde, not blonde enough. Clothes? Cute, would look a lot better on a skinnier body. Face? Not bad, if it wasnt so chubby. Body? Just too fat. Now I know that I am not actually obese, but I would look so much better if i just lost some weight. The only problem is, I never feel full. So, easiest solution, I am just not going to eat. At least until including Friday. The good old lemon juice fast (water with lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper), the only thing that can actually stop me from eating.
I am also planning a busy day tomorrow, will have to get up super early, although I am not working at the moment, drive around a lot and so on, so hopefully I wont be tempted to eat that much anyway.
Too bad I dont really know my weight at the moment, I am staying with a friend, the only scale is in her parents room (same house, different apartement), so I can't use it when I want, and it's not a digital one. I don't think I want to know my weight anyway, but I'm guessing 127. Next Goal: 125.