Saw Dave on Monday night, and although I really just wanted to pick up my stuff and drop off his, we ended up hanging out until I got a call from work and had to go. So weird...Haven't heard from him since.
Think you are right Lina, hadn't thought about that. Always thought that character wise I would so date him, but yeah, he IS manipulative. What I figured out on my own: Why would I ever date somebody who doesn't even want to be friends with me?
Am going to see another guy tonight. He's also weird. He keeps telling my friends how much he likes me, but never texts back...
On another note, all I have to fix is my weight! Teeth, skin and nails are as good as it's going to get, got my hair done, and I love it (blonder, yet with darker strands, nice cut) am tanned....seriously, a friend just posted facebook pics of me and i like them...IF I WASN'T SO CHUBBY!!!!
Chipmunk cheeks, double chin, huge arms, belly fat, thighs touching....ARGH!
Hope the baby food diet takes care of that. As I wasn't losing any weight, I couldn't weight anymore until I was down to 125, so I just started yesterday. I love it. Okay, the food takes some getting used to, but it's not worse then my attempts on cooking, it's nice and portioned, I can take it everywhere in case I get hungry....not following the detox thing though, need my coffee and alcohol...and tonight we're going out...might have to make a phone call later...want some extra energy...;-)
7/24/10
7/18/10
Dave
I'm kind of annoyed with what I though was one of my closest friends, Dave.
I haven't been living here for very long, so I hardly hang out with people that I have actually known for a long time.
Dave and me met a few month ago at a mutual friend's party. I was drunk, he was funny, we hung out all night. Nothing happened. I didn't even really know what he looked like, as it was a costume party. Through friends, we met quite often, we started going out for drinks from time to time as well. We had a great time, but although he's funny, smart and just a great guy, I'm just not interested. That's were the problem starts, because he is. After a while of just hanging out, we had the awkward conversation #1, something along the line of: "Where is this going?" "Not sure..." "Me neither..." "Hmm, we're having such a great time, maybe we could just leave it like that for the moment?"
I thought, great, problem solved, he isn't really interested either, maybe we can just be friends. We started hanging out all the time, we agree about everything, and I honestly started to wish I could somehow be romantically interested. But it just isn't there! No spark, whatever you want to call it, from my side it's not there!
As I don't behave girly around him (I drink beer, play play-station, surf and swear), I was hoping he would get over the initial bit of interest as well.
Unfortunately that wasn't the case, so we kept having more awkward conversations. They got worse and worse, to the point were he was questioning if he could or should hang out with me if I wouldn't hook up with him (in a nicer way and a lot more words, but that was the bottom line). Usually he apologized in the morning and we forgot all about it until the next time.
Not so much last night. He complained that his friends were making fun of him for not hooking up with me! He's a grown man, who cares what your friends say? He pretty much ended our friendship then and there (again), but tried to insist that I still stay over as planned. Okay, it was six in the morning, but yeah right, you don't want to hang out with me because of what your friends say, and think I'm still staying for the night? Yeah right. Anyway, got to pick up my stuff today from him. I just don't know what to think! I mean, I'm sorry I can't fall for him, but I just can't. I don't give a shit what his friends say, and am very surprised that somebody his age does! And I know this is hard on him as well, but the whole 'you are my best friend/ we can't hang out anymore/ you changed my life/ we can't hang out anymore/ this friendship means so much to me/ we can't hang out anymore' is just annoying!
I don't want to loose my friend, which apparently is going to happen anyway, but right now I'm just angry!
Anyway, weight went down a tiny bit to 127.6. Would be nice if it was even less tomorrow. So far, had only oatmeal, am planning to have just veggies later.
I haven't been living here for very long, so I hardly hang out with people that I have actually known for a long time.
Dave and me met a few month ago at a mutual friend's party. I was drunk, he was funny, we hung out all night. Nothing happened. I didn't even really know what he looked like, as it was a costume party. Through friends, we met quite often, we started going out for drinks from time to time as well. We had a great time, but although he's funny, smart and just a great guy, I'm just not interested. That's were the problem starts, because he is. After a while of just hanging out, we had the awkward conversation #1, something along the line of: "Where is this going?" "Not sure..." "Me neither..." "Hmm, we're having such a great time, maybe we could just leave it like that for the moment?"
I thought, great, problem solved, he isn't really interested either, maybe we can just be friends. We started hanging out all the time, we agree about everything, and I honestly started to wish I could somehow be romantically interested. But it just isn't there! No spark, whatever you want to call it, from my side it's not there!
As I don't behave girly around him (I drink beer, play play-station, surf and swear), I was hoping he would get over the initial bit of interest as well.
Unfortunately that wasn't the case, so we kept having more awkward conversations. They got worse and worse, to the point were he was questioning if he could or should hang out with me if I wouldn't hook up with him (in a nicer way and a lot more words, but that was the bottom line). Usually he apologized in the morning and we forgot all about it until the next time.
Not so much last night. He complained that his friends were making fun of him for not hooking up with me! He's a grown man, who cares what your friends say? He pretty much ended our friendship then and there (again), but tried to insist that I still stay over as planned. Okay, it was six in the morning, but yeah right, you don't want to hang out with me because of what your friends say, and think I'm still staying for the night? Yeah right. Anyway, got to pick up my stuff today from him. I just don't know what to think! I mean, I'm sorry I can't fall for him, but I just can't. I don't give a shit what his friends say, and am very surprised that somebody his age does! And I know this is hard on him as well, but the whole 'you are my best friend/ we can't hang out anymore/ you changed my life/ we can't hang out anymore/ this friendship means so much to me/ we can't hang out anymore' is just annoying!
I don't want to loose my friend, which apparently is going to happen anyway, but right now I'm just angry!
Anyway, weight went down a tiny bit to 127.6. Would be nice if it was even less tomorrow. So far, had only oatmeal, am planning to have just veggies later.
7/16/10
Grrrr...after zen had such a great success with the baby food diet, I thought I would give it a try, BUT i told myself i would first go back down to 125. For some reason that seems impossible. This morning I was back up at 130. WTF? All I ate yesterday was one sandwich and a salad, and I went surfing, so should have burned some????
Annoying. Although some of it might have been because I got my period and I didn't go to the bathroom before. But still....
Anyway, funny thing happened yesterday: when we came out of the water after surfing, we suddenly saw the big black flag with the shark on it. Lol. Wouldn't have gone in if a had noticed before (well maybe), great whites aren't fun, but nothing happened.
Will post again as I'm down and can start on baby food!
Annoying. Although some of it might have been because I got my period and I didn't go to the bathroom before. But still....
Anyway, funny thing happened yesterday: when we came out of the water after surfing, we suddenly saw the big black flag with the shark on it. Lol. Wouldn't have gone in if a had noticed before (well maybe), great whites aren't fun, but nothing happened.
Will post again as I'm down and can start on baby food!
7/10/10
rainy days
Thanks for your comment Dizzieyes! Agree, 130 is such a huge number! Am back to 127.4 today...still too high! Way too high! And although I'm completely broke, I still find food. Annoying. Had some oatmeal and toast today. Not that much, but too much to loose weight. Ah, and yogurt. Now I feel full. Too full.
Am just in a bad mood right now: too fat, too full, no money, still no car insurance (makes me nervous), no money, had to borrow money from work, so i can put petrol in my car and replace my flatmates milk, which i drank. It's raining, I've got no plans for the weekend, my friend is angry at me, or i at him, not so sure...have to work tomorrow morning, but i still don't want to go home to my empty flat tonight...have been sick the past days, so i didn't do anything...which makes me feel lazy...and alone...
i wish i was one of those rich, skinny little blondes. like a party girl. confident, popular...there were times when i thought i was, but now...i just feel icky, and i feel like everyone can see through my act, so although i am tired of feeling alone and lazy, i don't want to go out...
Am just in a bad mood right now: too fat, too full, no money, still no car insurance (makes me nervous), no money, had to borrow money from work, so i can put petrol in my car and replace my flatmates milk, which i drank. It's raining, I've got no plans for the weekend, my friend is angry at me, or i at him, not so sure...have to work tomorrow morning, but i still don't want to go home to my empty flat tonight...have been sick the past days, so i didn't do anything...which makes me feel lazy...and alone...
i wish i was one of those rich, skinny little blondes. like a party girl. confident, popular...there were times when i thought i was, but now...i just feel icky, and i feel like everyone can see through my act, so although i am tired of feeling alone and lazy, i don't want to go out...
7/6/10
new high - no, not the good type
130.7
Yeah
You want to see it again? feel bad for me, but glad it's not you?
wait, here it comes
130.7
yes, I'm ashamed, embarrassed, angry with myself, slightly worried about going out in public....and so on....
You can imagine what my eating the past few days was like...Bingeing without even purging, foods that I know would give me cramps, and it didn't even stop today.
Now I stopped. Sitting here, feeling full, which always makes me feel pukey, but I don't want to puke.
I want lots of water (which I have) and Laxis (which I don't), and something that stops me from eating, keeps me happy and awake (anyone going to Mexico soon?)...
In absence of that, It's now 6pm here, stopped eating a while ago, but here, publicly, to you and to me, I announce that I won't have anything until tomorrow 6pm. And than it will only be Oatmeal (know, lots of calories. But it is good for you + really feels you up for long periods at a time)!
Know all that's left is hoping the scale doesn't go any further up, drink lots of water now and take Laxis later.....
Might be much later though. Am still at work and will go watch soccer straight after. Becca is away, which is actually quite nice, as in a lot less drama! I only like drama if I created it.
Anyone else who suddenly dreams of dating a soccer player by the way?
Yeah
You want to see it again? feel bad for me, but glad it's not you?
wait, here it comes
130.7
yes, I'm ashamed, embarrassed, angry with myself, slightly worried about going out in public....and so on....
You can imagine what my eating the past few days was like...Bingeing without even purging, foods that I know would give me cramps, and it didn't even stop today.
Now I stopped. Sitting here, feeling full, which always makes me feel pukey, but I don't want to puke.
I want lots of water (which I have) and Laxis (which I don't), and something that stops me from eating, keeps me happy and awake (anyone going to Mexico soon?)...
In absence of that, It's now 6pm here, stopped eating a while ago, but here, publicly, to you and to me, I announce that I won't have anything until tomorrow 6pm. And than it will only be Oatmeal (know, lots of calories. But it is good for you + really feels you up for long periods at a time)!
Know all that's left is hoping the scale doesn't go any further up, drink lots of water now and take Laxis later.....
Might be much later though. Am still at work and will go watch soccer straight after. Becca is away, which is actually quite nice, as in a lot less drama! I only like drama if I created it.
Anyone else who suddenly dreams of dating a soccer player by the way?
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