what makes me mia

Yesterday...
In the morning I was fine. Had 2 hard boiled eggs and a coffee for breakfast, got some stuff done before work, confident I would only have a snack wrap for lunch anch a small soup for dinner.
But work was a nightmare. Insanly busy, sitting next to my ex for the whole time, unable to help him, unable to ask him for help, as he doesn't talk to me. I don't want him back, I don't hate him, but the complete silence between us is getting to me. I've never been good at being silent.
Had a Falafel for lunch. Felt so guilty. Everything ruined. And I was still hungry, still stressed, still upset, work was still busy.
Two options: go out, party hard, dont eat, dance it all away.
Go home. Buy as much food as you can afford. Purge it all.
As most of my friends have to work today, nobody wanted to go out. I drove to a small shop, the only one open by the time I left work. I wanted Lasagne. Could I still afford wine as well? No, no wine, drinking alone is pathetic and worrying. Bought all sorts of disgusting, high-calorie, ready-made foods. Drove home. Sat on the floor in my room. Ate them all. Went to the bathroom, grateful that the rain was so loud that my flatmate wouldn't hear me.
Wondered if there was a chance I could get the Falafel out as well. 6 hours? Too long. I found the spot down my throat. Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't stop, until there was only the bittersweet taste of an emty stomach. But it still wasn't enough. So I drank the glass of leftover wine.
This morning, I couldn't get up. Not for physical reasons, but just because I didn't see the point of it.
Panic. Guilt. And some part that doesn't care at all.