6 months later

I cant believe how long it has been. The past six months are kind of a blur. So much has happend, yet nothing has changed.
Whenever Im unsatisfied or bored with life (about every 5 minutes) I party. So I partied. And forgot that I wanted to change my job, boyfriend, eating habits....
Nick and me broke up, got back together, broke up again....
I ate healthy, ate too much, threw everything up...
Last week is pretty much how the last six month looked. So here we go.
Friday:
I was off for the day and bored, so I went shopping, spent money I dont have. Afterwards, I was still bored, so I started texting some friends, although I didn't actually really feel like going out. Izzy replied, she was keen to go out. At the same time, I got a text from an aquaintance, special easter offer on a little wake-me-up. I agreed on both. Went to Izzy's, had a few drinks, started talking, she asked if she could have some lines (she has never had it before). We end up talking the whole night, at some point she asked me if I had an ED. WTF? Turns out, she's bulimic and recognized the signs in me...
Not only does she know my little secret, but I also gave her drugs. I should have stayed home.
Eating okay. As close to normal as I get.
Saturday:
Drove to Nick in the evening. We're broken up, but behaving like we are a couple. So exhausted that I ended up passing out on the couch while watching 'How I met your mother'.
Too hungover to worry about food. Ate too much.
Sunday:
Morning. Nick and me start joking around, I get pissed off and suddenly cant get our last fight out of my head (among other stuff, he yelled at me that he would never get back together with me, that Im evil, that he soesnt give a shit about me, because I dont give a shit about him). I ledt. Drove home in the rain, called him from the car and told him I couldn't do this anymore.
Bought myself chocolates to cheer up, ended up stuffing my face and throwing it up again. A few times.
Tuesday:
A friend of mine plays in a band, I hadnt heard them play, so I went to there concert. No drama, but Anne, a friend of a friend is there. She' s the same height as me, bulimic and weights 104. I left.
I feel guilty. Didn't eat too much (small health wrap at lunch), but way too much to be around her.
Wednesday:
My best friend begged me to come over and bring some lines. I wasn't excited, but she was depressed and crying. Whatever. I met the guy, drove to her. When I walked in the door, she was busy having a fight with her bf, while another friend of hers, Lara, is sitting in the other room crying. Felt like I just walked into some soap opera. I spent the eving getting fucked with Lara, never quite figuring out who is angry at whom, or why. After I left, I got so bored I started stalking Nick. Yes, stalking! As in driving to his house and demanding he let me in so we could really kiss goodbye.
Ate a lot. Tried to throw it up, but it didn't really work.
Thursday:
Met an old friend. Managed to leave after a few drinks. Yeah! So proud!
Ate a lot though.
Friday
Went to see one of my 'good' friends, Carina. She's also crying and depressed. What is wrong with my friends. Despite us not going out, it's 4 in the morning and Im drunk when I get home.
She made me food. I tried to eat only as much as I had to. Still too much.
Saturday:
Best friend's birthday. Lara and me started doing shooters at 4pm, lines at 10pm. had a great time. Although I think I almost ODed. I know, not funny.
Didn't eat. Nibbled on some fries, to have enough stamina for the alcohol, but felt too guilty to eat eanything that actually resembeld a meal. Total: 8 fries, 1 chicken wing, 3 chips, 1/4 of a muffin. Not bad for 30 hours.
Sinse then, Im trying to get control over my life and eating. Will let you know if it works. I started seeing a therapist and havent heard from Nick.
Somehow, I'm wondering how long I will last before I'm back at the beginning...
My weight is fluctuating between 130 and 120...At the moment Im back up at 126 though...Fuck.